“We must not desire to become a deeper self than God wills”

Above all, we must not wish to cling to our suffering. 

Suffering surely deepens us and enhances our person, but we must not desire to become a deeper self than God wills. To suffer no longer can be a beautiful, perhaps the ultimate, sacrifice.

Hans Urs von Balthasar

This is spectacular, subtle, and almost without precedent among theologians. Which is a frequent effect of von Balthasar's writing.

Both

• neither fleeing from nor reifying suffering; and
• not, without understanding of what we are doing and very sophisticated spiritual mentoring, strive to become per se "deep," falling into what some traditions call "spiritual ambition" and "the stink of enlightenment."

Among other things, there is an almost inevitable built-in institutional disformation that arises out of the best of motives — to "disciple" followers. Which means motivate them. Which so easily shades over into a subtle motive for and kind of manipulation of and into zeal and (as per Ronald Knox) enthusiasm.

Suffering, like everything else, comes, and goes. Not permitting life to come, and go, is "attachment," even "addiction." Styled as loyalty, or resembling masochism, sometimes there is little difference.

Love God. Love the Neighbor as ourself. Quench not the Spirit, use the skillful means and intelligence we are given, be open to true Joy. It gets a little attenuated from there on, n’est-ce pas?

Lifted almost entire from Pontifications