I hear your groans, I too groan when I hear it. But sales is almost all we do. We offer ourselves in relationships, we negotiate our desired outcomes when we ask for help or information, and of course most of us need to sell something -- whether in-house or to an outside constituency -- to make a living. Persuasion is not arguing, begging, whining, hoping, insisting. Persuasion is how we furnish our lives in a world of other people. And if we do it well, we add to everyone's network of wealth and relationship.
A recent Texas study reported by the Harvard Business School illuminates a simple and civilized truth to improve results when we negotiate, ask, sell, recommend. It is so simple I hesitate to describe it. It is,
Explicitly acknowledge the relationship.
What follows is the algorithm I now plan to use deliberately.
1. Be aware of the relationship. That is, I don't want to trigger a formula just to jerk people around. So I will touch in to that part of myself that is honestly touched by and in touch with the other person on some basis, even if it's just standing in the same line at Wal-Mart. (Or Williams-Sonoma, lest I skew the demography here.) It may be how long we've known each other; how certain things are important to both of us; even something that just happened that we both noticed. Ask myself, "What is my honest relationship to this person? Of what does it consist?" Our minds seem ever ready to seize on difference. For amusement and effectiveness, I will be curious about what we have in common.
2. Claim the relationship, verbally, and to the extent appropriate, with body language. In the reported experiment, with dating couples, it was something like, You know, we've been together for a while now. or, We both want to.... Or, simply, the use of we and our. In the business context, merging hospitals stopped squabbling when a director said, in effect, We can keep hurting ourselves, or we can cooperate for profit. Even a solicitor for charity -- asking strangers for money -- increased his take five-fold by saying, I'm a student here, too.
Other approaches, for comparison, were aggressive and threatening demands, or a logical presentation attempting to demonstrate the reasonableness of the request. Neither was as successful in its results, though reasonable arguments, unsurprisingly, worked better than aggressive demands.
3. Ask. In most situations, I've learned it is a good idea to figure out what you want, then to ask directly and unapologetically for it. Master Coach Molly Gordon of Seattle says, "Tell the truth as though it's not a problem." Politicians -- ask for the vote. Vendors -- ask for business from the best clients you can find. Everybody -- ask yourself first, and answer clearly, then ask, out loud, in words, at a well-chosen time, for what you want. Be willing to hear "no." But don't expect it. Make it easy to say "yes."
I tire easily of Getting to 'Yes' while Being Fair to Everybody for Five Generations or an Eleven Easy Steps to the Sale approach. But this is just simple, and honest, enough to practice. Read it. Try it. I will too. Let me know. good_and_happy"at"yahoo.com
A thank-you wave to Crossroads Dispatches for the link.
