April 26, 2005
Another absorbing City Journal issue. Kay S. Hymowitz writes on the worldview of effective parents, and though the title references "Black Kids," she proposes that the data indicate
“the neighborhood is not responsible for the difference. Neither is race. Neither is income.” No, only the parents.
For one thing, as we here have always believed, parents best outnumber 'em -- we like the word conspiracy -- or at least be a team of two rather than a harried, single, one. And, yes, the schools have responsibility, well or badly carried out. But the context is shaped by the parents.
The fact that he has two married parents is an immense advantage for Alexander: together, mother and father form a kind of conspiracy to develop him, a labor-intensive and emotionally demanding project difficult enough for two parents.
This entire consideration reminds us of the French documentary released in English as To Be and To Have. Anyone who wonders how to guide children would profit from and enjoy seeing a truly wholehearted teacher. But behind the scenes, it turns out, there are the dairy-farming parents of the rather feckless little boy, sitting with him while he finishes his mathematics homework. Flies buzz, the parents seem baffled by the material, but they are insistent, steady, focused, there. The picture is worth all the words in a School of Education.
The promise and provocation of the Hymowitz article is that what goes on in the parent's mind and heart, translated into motivated & intelligent action, constitutes the pertinent difference. And no, love is not enough. But money is not the deciding factor, either. The truth circles somewhere in the vicinity of self-discipline, curiosity, openness, hope, and a deep generosity.
Being a ...mother or father [who launches the child into the world with a greater chance of success] does not mean simply performing a checklist of proper behaviors. It does not mean merely following procedures. It means believing on some intuitive level in the Mission and its larger framework of personal growth and fulfillment. In the case of poor parents, that means having an imagination of a better life, if not for you, then for your kids.
The challenge is in the deep structures of the parent's perception, values, and motivation. The differentiating factors outlined in the article aim
at far more than promoting children’s self-reliance or ensuring that they make the soccer team or get into an impressive college. The [successful parenting] Mission's deepest ideal is the pursuit of happiness.
Addressing these issues at the level of a true understanding of the pursuit of happiness is a particularly American, as in truths we hold self evident, thing to do. We here, coach tools at the ready, truly long to help.
And by now you know what we think. Virtue, even if it is not the transcendent destination, is an intrinsic part of that pursuit, the path and the wheels.
Via the City Journal writer managing editor Brian C. Anderson, author of South Park Conservatives, referenced on Relapsed Catholic.
Update: See Amy Welborn for an example of parents alert for teachable moments.
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