Hospitable Talk

November 19, 2005

The key to successful small talk is learning how to connect with others, not just communicate with them.

The dreaded coffee hour, cocktail party, professional association meet-and-greet. Even extraverts get the blues.

Smart, good-hearted brusque physican helps via her own struggles with small talk. This summary is pro forma only. Go say hello to Shari, just eccentric enough...

...to fit right in here.

I’m a scholar, and a nerd, not a party animal. I don’t know how good I’m going to be at following the above rules. However, suddenly it occurs to me that I may be called to improve my social deficiencies. Hospitality, whether I like it or not, is one of the cardinal virtues...

• “Setting Talk”: Getting Started. 
• "The Personal Introduction": Who you are, What you do.
• “Pretopical Selection”: Fishing for Topics. The third step is to move to “pretopical selection” by throwing out topics for possible discussion.
• “Posttopical Elaboration”: Expanding the Topic. A "tell me more" enterprise.
• “Conversation Termination”: A Gracious Ending that Creates the Connection. Finally, when terminating a conversation, let the person know you’ll be leaving soon, express gratitude for the conversation, summarize some of the major points, and set the stage for future conversation.

It's an assembly process, performance art on shifting sands. But worth it, because a sincere effort to show the world to be a hospitable place can make all the difference for someone. Sometimes us.

Update:
In something like the same vein, the Code of Amiability. This is recorded here with no presumption of offering it to readers. The Chez Dilys Ethical Society needs it before their eyes daily.

Comments

[Robert Godwin]

Errr... umm.... ahhhh... I... mmmm... too tongue-tied to comment.

[dilys]

Perhaps we could ask the inarticulate commenter to greet that tall shy man in the corner who looks as though he would speak fluent Joyce.